Climate change is dull
|July 30, 2011||Posted by Harry Mason under satire, science|
Do you think climate change is real? And man made? These aren’t just typical rhetorical questions used as techniques to draw the reader’s attention at the start of an article, but something I want you to consider. Go on.
Done? (If yes -> continue to next line. If no -> consider further, then return to the start of this line.)
Excellent. Then I shall keep algorithms to minimum from here on out.
While I would like the power to know exactly what you thought of while considering these questions (though if I had the power to read minds, I doubt I’d keep it only to knowing your thought processes on climate change), I reckon I could hazard a fair few guesses at which thoughts crossed through your intrepid and intelligent mind.
I believe that a number of you will have thought about statistics telling you about rises in global temperature, or that a majority of scientists believe it to be real. Or about counter-arguments you once heard on TV or read in a newspaper. You may have thought about green energy and about wind farms. There’s even a slim chance you will have thought about the actual science behind it. Or a simplification of the actual science, at the very least.
This, I’m sure you’ll agree, is dull.
As such, people get disinterested, fighting climate change moves down the priority list, and we get in more trouble as a planet. Which is a problem. A big one.
I could argue the science with you, but then this article would be (more) dull, no one would read it, and you’d all probably go and read one of the more elegantly-written articles from the excellent range available on The Student Review‘s website (like Jo Penso’s on Laura Joy Photography, which you should all check out after/while reading this).
Therefore, I would like to propose alternative arguments in favour of fighting climate change. Arguments which don’t hinge on you having drunk 9 cans of Relentless to stay awake throughout, and which lean more on the side of badassnessicity than of strict accuracy.
1). Solar power is awesome. Think about it. With solar panels we’re using simple science to literally harness the power of the Sun. Very few people look at the Sun and can think “You may have 500 million times the surface area of Yorkshire, and may have a core body temperature 50,000 times mine, but my race has tamed you, and used you to heat pot noodles in the microwave.” But you, technically, can. And should, the next chance you get.
2). The mad scientist-like aspect of wind energy. We can literally harness the power of the wind. Imagine a mad-scientist (with hair probably fairly like mine) shouting that he’s managed to harness the power of the wind, then showing you these contraptions around 80m high, with blades that move around ten times faster than a human can run, and he will seem infinitely scary. We also use rivers, the sea, and the heat from the centre of the Earth. Seriously, if we could control lightning, I’d complete the set here.
3). Not dying. Ok, this one isn’t strictly badass, but it’s rarely stated, and I think it’s important (you are free to disagree, and I shall respect your opinion). If not in my case, then at least for some of the amazing artists/musicians/Frisbee players I’ve been privileged enough to know.
4). The alternative benefits. The fact that, if we ate vegetarian meal/cycled to work once a week, we’d be far healthier. Similarly, if we stopped using coal, we’d have fewer kids with asthma, and wouldn’t have to blast apart mountains or chemically poison streams. We’d have more scenery to enjoy, and be a more athletic world. Thus having more chance of surviving a zombie invasion.
5). Probably being in fewer wars.
6). Being able to see the stars more clearly at night. Without all the air pollution, we’d all be able to see other galaxies in the sky, and our dreams would be that much more imaginative. And maybe we’d work a bit harder towards public space travel, which would be kinda epic.
So, here we are at last, the summative/self-indulgent conclusion. We are currently in a war, not against the Earth (on that one the Earth is winning, and comfortably), but against the way the argument is framed. Climate change is real, and we need to act now. Not because scientists and politicians say so, but because life would be so much more awesome if we did.