This week is all about the best kind of ship: friendship! And all the awkward moments that come with it. I’ve actually been approached for advice this week by people asking questions around this area, but remember that you can contact me via Twitter at @AsimJayA, as well as via comments here at TSR. I’d love to hear from you. So here we go!
Question: What do you do when your best friend likes your ex?
Answer: Wow, this is a pretty difficult one. It all essentially comes down to you, and you need to really think about a couple of things before making a solid decision about what to do. The first thing I would say is, do you still care about your ex? In a relationshippy way? Because if you do, and your friend wants to date him/her, this situation could get really sticky. If the answer is yes, then why not try talking to your friend about it? Assuming that they don’t know you still like the ex. However, if the answer is no, think to yourself – would you mind too much if they started dating? I know that friends’ exes are usually off-limits areas, but if you don’t care about the ex in that way any more then maybe it’s best if the friend is happy.
I think this is the kind of situation that you can’t really avoid in life, but friends are indispensable. That’s a huge thing that I’ve learned over the past couple of years. If you think it’s really going to bother you, your friend ought to understand; if they don’t, then remember that good friends always come back and reappear later on in life. It all comes down to actually sitting down with your friend and talking to them. It can be a pretty hard situation, but I hope my answer helps!
Question: What do you do when your friend is being really clingy and you just want them to go away?
Answer: Okay, wow, you’re really testing me today. This can be another awkward silence-maker. You don’t want to tell them outright that they’re killing you with clingy-ness, because you don’t want to hurt them, but on the other hand, you want to scream in their face because they’re just so blindingly irritating! Everybody gets stuck in this situation at some point, and it’s a difficult one to get out of. Again, there are a couple of things to think about here. My instinctive answer would be to run away and hide, but everyone has to come out of hiding at some point, and sometimes hiding just isn’t cool. So, on to better methods!
Maybe you should tell your friend that you just need a bit of space. Everyone needs space from time to time and this seems like one of those situations. Friends are really quite understanding, and they’ll give you space when you need it; that’s one of the great things about them. Having said that, maybe your friend is being clingy for a reason? Have they always been clingy, or is it just a recent thing? Why not try sitting down with them and just having a really nice long chat. Maybe they just need someone to talk to. I know I certainly get very needy when I need a rant, just ask my friends! This is a question which is ultimately very hard to give a straight answer to, but give a good think to the things I’ve mentioned above, and hopefully they’ll help.
Question: My friends resent my popularity! What do I do?
Answer: Oooh, that’s an interesting one. Some people make friends a lot more easily than other people do, so naturally some people are more popular than others; it’s completely normal. But when your friends start resenting you for that, it can make you feel a bit rubbish. Perhaps you could try introducing your friends to other people you get on with? That way everyone knows plenty of people, and they should start feeling more popular. Having said that, popularity is not an important thing. It’s the friends you already have that are really important, and the ones that you will make that will become so. Sorry, that last part was more aimed at the resentful friends.
Another cause of the resentment worth considering is that perhaps you’re being a bit cocky about your popularity? This might not be true, and for most people it won’t be, but if it is then perhaps watch the way you act a little bit. The fact you’ve asked this question implies that this is not the case, but have a think in case it is; perhaps it’s not your popularity, but your attitude that’s sparked it all. But again, introducing more people to your friends and sharing your talent for getting to know people could help you with this. I hope that makes sense!
Friends can be difficult to keep up with, and vice versa, but they’ll always be there for you and they’ll always watch out for you. Friends can disappear for a while, but they always come back in my experience – at least they do if they’re real friends. You’ll always be able to find common grounds with someone, and being able to share something with another person can be really useful in life. I know that’s certainly something that’s got me through the last two years of mine. Just someone showing you kindness by offering an ear can be the nicest thing in the world, or just a hug in the morning can make your day a teeny bit better. My point is, friends are indispensable, so watch out for them. At the risk of sounding very cheesy, surrounding yourself with love is better than having nothing at all.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s advice, and I hope you find it useful. Thanks for reading!