AJ’s advice – dealing with Twihards
|June 30, 2012||Posted by Alaa Jasim under AJ's Advice|
I think it’s safe to say that we live in a society riddled with throngs of a new generation of obsessive, hormonal, teenage fan-girls and fan-boys, the most intense of which – at least of the ones I’ve encountered – must be the Beliebers, the Twihards and the Potterheads. Goodness me, they bring us a whole new level of fandom, and in some cases shriek in such a high pitched manner that either we’re all deafened or only the local dogs react. But today, I want to put the Beliebers to one side; I don’t care enough to, well, care about them. I’m also going to leave out the Potterheads because, as you can tell from my Pottermore post, I’m a bit of a Potterhead myself. Instead, I want to talk to you today about Twihards, and how to avoid – or if not avoid, deal with – them. (It’s like they Twihard to annoy everyone else… Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
Now, dear reader, the next thing I say will doubtlessly make you lose any respect you may have had for me previously, but I liked Twilight once. Admittedly, this was when I was about 14, but yes, it happened; I was once sucked into that void of emptiness. Then, when I thought about what I’d read, I snapped out of it, and consider myself a better person for the experience. I pulled through that difficult period of my life. Honestly, if you’re not a Twihard and you’re reading this article, then you’ll know that those books are rather horrifically written. Dear me, Ms Meyer, what were you thinking?
While I was at my school’s 6th form I worked in the school library in the mornings, which of course meant that I dealt with lots of issuing of books and so on, but every time a student (often a girl that looked about 12) took out a Twilight book my heart broke just a little bit. I have heard the obsessive squeaking in the mornings, the nonsensical ramblings, and I learned to tune it out. I made myself a little happy place and went there whenever the noise levels rose above a certain pitch, but the happy place technique doesn’t work for everyone, so let’s think through a few others.
Here’s a fairly obvious tip, but one of the most effective ways of avoiding hardcore Twilight fans is staying away from massive Twilight displays in bookshops. There will almost always be some crazed teenager drooling over the image of Robert Pattinson there, and let’s face it: we don’t want to see that. So yeah, keep away from those massive displays and you should be OK in any bookshop. Occasionally, if you hear massive squealing, you might have to stay away from the Dark Romance sections as well – why not head over to George Orwell’s 1984 instead?
Another thing I found when I worked in the library was that, if a student came in to check out a copy of Twilight squealing, declaring that you didn’t enjoy the book left them in a horrified, stunned state, thus inducing silence and saving your eardrums from the battering they were about to receive. Be careful with this one though – it only works most of the time. If the fan is gobby enough, you might just get your ears chewed out, so make sure only to do it if they don’t look like the dangerous obsessive type.
Other than that, you can just ignore their existence by indulging in some good quality literature, perhaps something cheery. That’ll help you forget about the state of Twilight-induced trauma that you’re likely currently in. Ultimately, it’ll hopefully lead you into forgetting that those fans exist, and aside from the odd Twitter trend they shouldn’t bother you in life. It’s all good. You can forget about this group of obsessives. Oh, I also suggest that you don’t try going to the cinema around Twilight releases – I believe there’s only one left, but who knows? They might split that one in half too. Instead, wait for the DVD release of the movie you actually wanted to see; trust me, it’s worth it. Or go to your happy place, like I do.
I suppose that’s it from me this week. Thanks for reading, and I hope that my advice helps you avoid and deal with Twihards. As always, feel free to comment and get in touch with any suggestions that you might have. I’ll be back next time, so see you then!